


A Prayer to Heavenly Bodies

by vaporstretch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, Akaashi Keiji-centric, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Fluff, Fukuroudani, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Not Beta Read, Pining, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24887401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaporstretch/pseuds/vaporstretch
Summary: 'Lord I am so sorry for what I am about to do.'Born and raised Catholic Akaashi Keiji realizes during one sweltering summer of his sophomore year of high school that sometimes no amount of prayer and confession can deter him from his desire to touch the stars.(Somewhat inspired by the short film Yes, God, Yes that stars Natalie Dyer)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 126





	A Prayer to Heavenly Bodies

**Author's Note:**

> I love BokuAka I think their dynamic is cute and wholesome so here's a not-so wholesome yet still appropriately cute fic of Akaashi just pining away while trying not to drown in Catholic guilt (shout out to fellow gays who were raised Catholic).
> 
> Anyway, I drew inspiration from Yes, God, Yes which is a short film that stars Natalie Dyer. Apparently it's getting the full length treatment soon so stay tuned for that, I guess lol.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu!! or any of its characters.

Akaashi Keiji stared at the imposing wooden cross that hung by their hallway. He didn't stare at it too long though because he knew at any moment his mother would be rushing out of his parent's bedroom while his father would calmly follow suit.

It was a Sunday morning and on Sundays the Akaashi family went to church. Akaashi had never really given much thought about his religion and everything else that came with it. As far as he was concerned he was born Catholic and eventually raised Catholic and so at the age of 17, he stayed Catholic.

He had spent his elementary school and middle school years in all-boys Catholic schools and because of that, a certain thrill came to him when he eventually announced to his parents his intention of entering Fukurodani Academy, a co-ed high school. His parents of course were quite hesitant to let him go to a non-Catholic school for fear that "worldly desires would tempt him and eventually lead him astray", but their son was unrelenting especially when he pulled the ultimate trump card that is Fukurodani's exceptional performance in volleyball. Akaashi knew that once he played the volleyball card, the terms of negotiation ended there, and sure enough it was a done deal. Before Akaashi knew it, he was dressed in Fukurodani's crisp grey blazer, the light blue necktie a striking pop of color against he otherwise more monotonous palette of their school uniform.

So in some way Akaashi really had volleyball to thank, but more importantly he had to really give it up for the one and only Bokuto Kotaro who was a mere freshman at Fukurodani while Akaashi was still in junior high. Akaashi knew he had always enjoyed volleyball, and being setter for his middle school team had been sufficiently enjoyable, but truthfully it wasn't until he had the fateful opportunity of seeing the Bokuto Kotaro in action one day that it truly hit him--volleyball is magnificent and no one else brought out the sublime glory of the sport than Bokuto Kotaro himself. Maybe Akaashi over exaggerated that singular experience, or maybe not. All he knew was that from then on volleyball was never going to be the same.

After every morning church service, Akaashi would usually divide the rest of his Sunday accordingly between schoolwork and volleyball. It was the beginning of what was looking to be yet another sweltering Tokyo summer. Cicadas loudly began to infest the muggy evening air with their humming and buzzing. Mosquitoes were starting to cautiously land on moistened flesh sleek with sweat. The set of exams before summer break were objectively the worst kind. The impending heat just made it so much harder to concentrate. Although if Akaashi were to be more honest, his thoughts were just more preoccupied with the annual summer training camp and just like any of the players on their team, exams felt like a momentary distraction, a detour that one just had to get over with before indulging in what truly mattered to them--endless hours of hearing nothing but the squeaking of shoes on the volleyball court as sweat-drenched jerseys clung to their flesh, hands and fingers growing calloused and red with every contact made with fraying volleyballs. That was what made summer the beautifully fevered season that it was for the young athletes.

That afternoon, both Akaashi's parents had left to run errands. He basked in the weekend silence of their household. He was finally done painstakingly rearranging his notes, and so he switched on his laptop, excited to spend the rest of the afternoon watching one volleyball match after another.

Halfway through the second match he was streaming, an obnoxious ping cuts through the excited voices of the game commentators. Akaashi paused the game and his eyes wandered to the corner of his desktop screen to see that someone had sent him an email. He casually clicked the red notification icon and the email was blown open, taking up half of the screen. The email contained nothing, but a link, he noticed. He found it peculiar when the sender was one of his classmates, a classmate he never really talked to that much.

_ Hmmm, I wonder what this is all about. _

Akaashi dragged the pointer over the bright blue link which was made up of an obscure combination of letters, numbers, and symbols. Without much thought, Akaashi eventually clicked it and what came out nearly made him jump out of his seat.

On the screen was suddenly a video of two men who were engaged in some rather unmistakably 'inappropriate' touching. But Akaashi couldn't look away. It was like seeing someone run into something and even though you were perfectly aware that they were going to get into a small accident, you remain stuck, unmoving, unable to tear your gaze away from the sight of it all. And as one of the men in the video stuck his engorged cock inside the other, Akaashi continued to look and look like he was being subjected to a frightful spectacle. All he could hear were the wanton moans of the two men and his heartbeat. Akaashi did eventually come back to his senses and started to frantically scramble for the X button that would turn the video off. And for a moment, silence. Just silence.

Now Akaashi was not new to the concept of pornography. Even in the supposed sanctity of those all-boys Catholic schools he had attended, the sin of lust never departed from their hormonal young boy brains. Akaashi however never particularly cared for it. It didn't exactly interest him to spend hours ogling at barely covered women sprawled on greasy magazine pages. That was a thing the other boys did. He would admit though that on several occasions he had performed acts of self-pleasure. The first few times he did it, a massive wave of guilt swept through him. After every final groan, his fingers sticky and coated with his seed, he would unconsciously pray for forgiveness. But after a few more times, he got over it eventually and started to see it as an act of self-care, just like letting out some of the air from the tires if you could call it that. 

But sometimes Akaashi would have certain thoughts while he touched himself. And he had been refusing to think about those thoughts for some time until he saw that video. See, when Akaashi was new to the Fukurodani volleyball club, he was ecstatic to finally be able to play with Bokuto Kotaro, that it never occurred to him that he was actually going to finally be teammates with him. That meant fraternizing with Bokuto which meant casually invading each other's personal spaces.

The first time Akaashi saw Bokuto strip in the club room, he had felt a lump immediately form in his throat. Bokuto's strength didn't just come from nowhere, and the line of sinew and lean muscle that lay just underneath the taut and sweaty flesh of Bokuto was a testament to that. And when Bokuto peeled off his compression sleeves, Akaashi had to look away because he knew his face was starting to get hot. He took a quick peek out of the corner of his eye and there he saw thighs that resembled marbled Greek statues. Akaashi couldn't believe someone like Bokuto walked around so casually in school, the secrets of his impressive physical prowess hidden from the entire world by the ill-fitting school uniforms. And he, Akaashi Keiji, had the obscene pleasure of having seen it firsthand.

Safe to say that night before Akaashi drifted off to sleep, he pictured Bokuto in the club room, and like on autopilot, his hand travelled down to his crotch, relieving himself of the uncomfortable pressure that had been gradually building up. He imagined Bokuto trapping him underneath him, their bodies damp with sweat. He imagined them in the club room and Akaashi would whisper to Bokuto to stop, but their beautiful ace would refuse with a smirk before grabbing his cock.

"I see you looking at me, Akaashi." He would say while stroking him. "You already know me. I enjoy being looked at. Consider this a reward for working hard."

Akaashi came the hardest he had ever came in a long time that night. He even continued to slightly tremble even after carelessly releasing himself all over his shorts. For a second, as he lay there, panting with his thighs sticky with his cum, he thought about how good it would feel if Bokuto were to actually touch him like that in real life, and not just within the clandestine confines of his late night fantasies.

And after that he aggressively continued to push those thoughts to the side, that was until he saw that video.

"So I guess you're all ready for your exams?" Akaashi's father asked during dinner.

Akaashi was finishing up the remaining morsels of his curry and rice when he looked up from his plate. His parents habitually asked him about school which meant it shouldn't have really caught Akaashi off-guard when his father inquired about his studies. But for some reason, Akaashi felt as if a stray chunk of curry meat was suddenly lodged in his throat and so he cleared it before speaking up.

"Ummm...I've summarized all my notes today," he began. "I hope by this week I can start reviewing."

"That's nice to hear, Keiji," his mother said with a smile. "I'm glad you're not letting that volleyball summer camp take up too much space in your head."

_ Oh if only you knew what's been taking up space in my head. _

Akaashi only nodded in response. He later expressed his gratitude for the meal before cleaning up his space of the table and moving to the kitchen sink to wash the dishes. As he scrubbed the porcelain surface of his plate with a dish sponge, an image from the video he had earlier seen flashed briefly in his head. He had to close his eyes for a moment, willing the image to disappear. 

_ No. Just think of anything else, but this. _

A quick shower later and Akaashi found himself facing his laptop again. His desktop wallpaper was a group photo of their volleyball team at nationals the previous year. His eyes wandered to where their ace had stood in the midst of the other jersey clad bodies. As usual, scene-stealer Bokuto Kotaro, who was just a second year back then, stood front and center, shoulders back, toothy grin and all. But what caught Akaashi's attention was how he had looked in the image, standing next to none other than Bokuto with Bokuto's very arm slung around Akaashi's shoulders. Akaashi couldn't help but smile at the subtle chaos of their positioning--Bokuto had pulled him close, but Akaashi was clearly not prepared and so he looked vaguely panicked yet a small but decent smile somehow managed to still show up on his face. 

And then he was back to hovering the white mouse pointer over that very link attached to his email. He glanced at his door to check if it had been properly locked before he popped on his earphones and clicked on the link.

There it was again. Flesh against flesh. Lewd squelching and obscene moans that escaped swollen lips. Akaashi's mouth suddenly felt dry and he began to feel a familiar warmth spreading in his lower abdomen. He pressed his thighs together, slowly releasing a breath he did not know he had been holding. Before the video ended, he clicked on the X button and closed his laptop. He leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. He knew he was aroused and he knew that if he didn't do anything about it, he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. So he decided to do the very thing he hadn't been able to do for some time when lust clouded his thoughts--he prayed.

He allowed his gaze to fall on the small crucifix by the shelf near his desk before he started asking for the good Lord to let him have a good night's sleep. After uttering an amen and doing a sign of the cross, he moved to his bed and switched off the lamp by his bedside table. Within minutes (and by some divine miracle as regarded by Akaashi), he was finally asleep.

That Monday morning didn't exactly start off on the right foot because Akaashi woke up with his thighs slightly damp. He cursed before lifting his covers and eventually the elastic band of his shorts to see that he had came at some point during his sleep.

_ I should have specified that I also wanted a more wholesome sleep. _

With a sigh, Akaashi got ready for school. His body strangely felt heavy as he washed up and ate breakfast. By the time he was out the door and headed to Fukurodani Academy, he was starting to feel better. As long as he thought of something else and kept his mind consistently occupied, he was going to be okay.

Eventually Akaashi arrived in school and as he strolled down the hallway to his classroom, greeting one or two classmates along the way, he suddenly felt a strong arm wrap itself around his shoulders.

"Good morning, Akaashi!!!" 

_ Great. _

"Ah good morning, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said without turning to look at his teammate. 

As it was the beginning of summer, students had ditched the usual thick, grey blazers and began wearing shorter sleeved uniform tops. It was one of the few moments of the school year when Bokuto Kotaro would reveal to everyone at school the toned arms that were a by-product of his dedicated training. A mark of a sturdy ace indeed.

"It sure has been getting warmer, huh?" Bokuto said almost wistfully, his arm still around Akaashi's shoulders, the very crook of his elbows grazing the back of Akaashi's neck. "But damn I'm so excited for the training camp! Aren't you excited too, Akaashi?"

Before Akaashi could reply, a familiar sleepy voice spoke up from behind Bokuto.

"Better pass those exams first, Bokuto."

Akaashi saw one of their team managers Shirofuku Yukie walking by them. Her brown hair was tied up, her trademark droopy eyes casually casting a glance at their ace.

"I'm not worried about exams when I know Yukippe will be lending me her notes!" Bokuto exclaimed in a cheerful sing-song voice. 

Their manager only sighed in exasperation. 

"Whatever you say, Bokuto," she said. "And will you let go of poor Akaashi? It's warm enough already and you're only making it worse for him."

"Woops!" Bokuto, always unaware of his strength, shoved Akaashi with way too much force needed causing the latter to stumble a little. "Ahh sorry, Akaashi."

"It's alright, Bokuto-san," Akaashi replied, hyper-aware that his face had gone slightly flushed. He gingerly rubbed at the very spot on his neck where Bokuto's flesh had made contact.

"Bye-bye, Akaashi," Shirofuku said with her signature sleepy grin. She had grabbed Bokuto's collar before dragging him away. "We'll see you later at the gym."

Akaashi waved at them. He couldn't help but smile at himself as he watched his two upperclassmen walking away, exchanging playful banter with one another. He had always thought that Shirofuku and Bokuto looked cute together, both in the context of friends and as lovers. They were obviously close since Bokuto had already come up with a term of endearment for her without Shirofuku batting an eye. They conversed with ease, took bites out of each other's food without making a huge fuss over it (okay Shirofuku would initially make a fuss over it because she hated sharing her food more than anyone, but she would always relent in the end), and overall they just comfortably looked out for one another. 

Every now and then someone (and by someone meaning their other wing spiker Konoha Akinori) would ask Bokuto about his relationship with Shirofuku. 

"What are you talking about?" Bokuto would say. "She's just a friend."

"Yeah right," Konoha would retort back sarcastically. "A guy casually putting his arms around a girl, giving her nicknames and whatnot are truly the marks of a no-strings attached friendship."

"You do look cute together, Bokuto," their libero Komi Haruki would chime in. "And more importantly, she's the only girl who can put up with you."

That statement was usually followed by a defensive 'hey!' on the part of Bokuto to which the rest of the team would respond with even more teasing.

During those times, Akaashi mostly stayed silent. He couldn't quite describe it, but sometimes he would feel something while they all laughed and jeered at the prospect of Bokuto and Shirofuku becoming a couple. It was an indescribable sensation that made his chest tighten unwittingly and whenever it happened, it would annoy Akaashi.

That feeling, luckily, was nowhere to be found as he stood there during that warm Monday morning. As the school bell rang, he made his way to his classroom, and for the first time in a long time, he was unenthusiastic about going to volleyball practice. 

Practice went well as usual. As the annual Spring High Qualifiers began to draw near, everyone was excited and highly energized. While Akaashi had entered the club room with much trepidation that afternoon, he was relieved when he found out from the other third years that Bokuto was going to be running late.

"Something about review classes," Konoha absentmindedly mumbled when Akaashi had asked them about their captain's whereabouts.

"Don't worry, Akaashi," the exceptionally tall middle blocker Washio Tatsuki said. "He'll be here for practice today."

_ That's what I've been nervous about, but okay. _

"Yeah, but until then," Yamato Sarukui, one of their wing spikers, placed a reassuring hand on Akaashi's shoulder. "You'll have to lead us, Vice Captain."

"I'll do my best," was the only thing Akaashi could muster. He could barely conceal how at ease he felt knowing that he didn't have to put up with a stripping Bokuto first thing before practice.

Before they were dismissed, their coach gathered them all for some last reminders for the day. As usual, their coach brought up gameplays and a few pointers for specific players especially among the starters.

"Before I forget, please do study as exams are coming up," he announced. "I know you volleyball nuts are only thinking of the training camp, but remember you're students first. Study hard and make sure you pass so you don't have to take remedial lessons and make-up exams. Remember, that's just time you could have been putting into training and practice instead."

"Yes, coach!" The team responded in unison, their voices echoing in the expanse of their gym.

"Okay that's it for today. You're all dismissed."

The time Akaashi had dreaded finally arrived: changing out of their sweat-drenched shirts and shorts in the club room. 

The usual post-training sights and sounds overwhelmed the club room atmosphere: a gripping humidity further aggravated by the oncoming summer heat, the scent of body odor and heavily worn in volleyball shoes, and of course some scattered snide, playful remarks about today's practice and the casual chatter about school in general.

Akaashi was trying his best to shove all thoughts about the video he had seen to the very back of his mind as he peeled off his navy blue club-issued t-shirt. He kept his eyes downcast, his gaze transfixed at a safe space thereby preventing any unintended leering that might happen. 

But of course, things don't always go as planned.

Just as Akaashi was reaching out for the white shirt he had worn under his short sleeved button-up uniform, he felt a forceful bump against his backside that made him lose his balance, ultimately causing him to fall forward and painfully bumping against the locker where he had kept his belongings. 

"OhmygodAkaashiI'msosorry!!!" 

_ Lord what have I done to deserve to suffer like this. _

Akaashi was about to say he was fine, but he felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his naked torso, lifting him from the crouched position he was in. In that instant, his face immediately got hot, the air hurriedly rushing out of his lungs. 

The last person he had wanted to make contact with his exposed flesh in the heat of the club room was holding Akaashi Keiji flushed against him. And he knew this was not good.

"Hey, Akaashi are you alright?" Bokuto's mouth was in close proximity with the back of his neck that he could feel the puffs of air that escaped his lips tickle at the sensitive area just below his ear. He swallowed thickly before clutching Bokuto's arms and extracting himself from his grip.

"I'm fine, Bokuto-san. Really I am."

"Dammit Bokuto dumbass you could have hurt our setter!" Konoha said in an exasperated tone.

"I said I was sorry," Bokuto replied. He probably said it with a pout, but Akaashi wouldn't know because he was still looking down and avoiding eye contact with anyone. 

"Ahh typical Bokuto just doesn't know his own strength sometimes," Komi said with a chuckle. 

Akaashi clenched his jaw and slipped on his shirt. He hoped he looked calm while doing so because deep down he was still feeling the burn of the expanse of Bokuto's flesh pressed against his own regardless of how brief the moment was. He felt the heat travel to his lower abdomen and in that instant he had to close his eyes and silently pray because he was flustered and anxious and he didn't know what else to do.

"Akaashi are you really okay?" It was Washio's voice that broke Akaashi out of his silent invocation. "Your face looks really red."

"I think it's just the heat," he replied, momentarily shocked at how strangled his voice sounded. He fixed his things then closed his locker door shut. Slowly he eventually let his eyes travel to where Bokuto stood.

Their captain was still topless and engaging in a heated conversation with Konoha and Komi. They were talking about spikes and receives and how Bokuto was planning on perfecting a very specific shot by the end of the summer training camp. However, their voices turned into muddled background noise because all of Akaashi's senses had zeroed in on the way Bokuto moved and how tall he looked and how it would feel to be trapped underneath him and--

"You going home already, Akaashi?" Konoha asked from the end of the club room.

"Ahh...yeah." Akaashi realized he must have been staring at them. "I'll be heading off now."

"Yeah," Yamato said while sitting down on one of the benches in the club room. "Your face looks really red, as in you need to cool down before you pass out, man."

"Thanks uhh I'll make sure to do that," Akaashi told them. "I'll see everyone tomorrow then."

"Akaashi wait!"

_ What now? _

"Huh?" Akaashi was already halfway outside, the much cooler early evening air a pleasant sensation against his burning cheeks.

"I was thinking about walking home together," said Bokuto. "I really wanted to talk to you more about my plans on perfecting this really cool cut shot for the Spring High!"

Bokuto more often than not spoke in bold, capital letters and despite the short distance between them, his voice was just as imposing on court when demanding tosses from him.

"Uhh sure," Akaashi replied. "I'll be waiting for you outside, Bokuto-san."

Ten or so minutes passed and Bokuto along with the other third years emerged from the club room. They all walked towards the campus gates together and for a few minutes fell into the same comfortable pace of chatting and strolling along the sidewalks of the more suburban streets of Tokyo. Eventually, the group broke up, bidding each other good-bye as Bokuto and Akaashi began walking down the same street together.

"So I was thinking we practice if a much higher toss would be better or a lower toss. I'll have Washio and Onaga do an aggressive block and we'll go from there…"

While Bokuto talked, Akaashi was trying his best to stay as levelheaded possible. He set three simple rules for himself: no blushing, no tripping over his words, and most importantly, no overthinking. 

"Hey, Akaashi were you even listening?" 

_ Crap. _

"I'm sorry, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said while continuing to look down. It was as if he was carrying on a conversation with the asphalt they were trudging on. "I think I'm just too tired today."

"That's fine," Bokuto replied cheerfully. "I'm just happy to spend some of this time with you."

Akaashi knew he was going to break his first rule because before he knew it, he began to feel the instant heat rising to his cheeks.

"I--I don't get what you mean…" 

_ Rule 2 broken. Brilliant, Akaashi Keiji. Just brilliant. _

"Well, we're not exactly from the same year level, so aside from practice, I don't get to see you often," Bokuto told him. "If we were at least both third or second years for that matter, we could study together even if we were in different classes."

"Why would any of that even matter?"

_ Good-bye, rule 3. It was fun while it lasted. _

They both finally stopped walking. They were at a literal crossroads that was devoid of any other life form except for a fat stray cat that was lazily perched on top of a concrete fence and a few cicadas that began to hum.

Akaashi and Bokuto weren't that far apart in height. The very few centimeters that separated them would barely be considered a height difference, but at that moment as they stood facing each other under the muted light of some random streetlamp, Akaashi felt like Bokuto Kotaro was looming over him and maybe it was because he wanted to be consumed by this star player whom since junior high school had enthralled him.

"Hey, Akaashi," Bokuto began as he stepped closer, minimizing the gap between them. "Your face is really red."

He might have been imagining things, but maybe he wasn't but either way, Bokuto's voice seemed to have dropped a few octaves lower. Suddenly Akaashi felt like he was slowly being simmered in a pot, the temperature a steady low heat. His eyes however remained glued to a dirty spot on the asphalt. 

"I--I guess I'm sensitive to the heat…" Akaashi replied weakly. 

Bokuto extended a hand and gingerly pressed his palm on Akaashi's forehead.

_ Lord please give me the strength to push away impure thoughts. _

"You're not exactly sick." It sounded very vaguely like a whisper. 

"I'm fine, Bokuto-san." Akaashi slowly raised his head, and he saw that Bokuto was just a mere inches away from him. 

A beat of silence. Bokuto then dragged his hand from Akaashi's forehead to his cheek, maneuvering his hand so he was gently cupping it.

"Akaashi you're so pretty," Bokuto said with a smile. He began to draw circles on Akaashi's flushed flesh. "If I could look at you all day, I would."

_ Lord I am so sorry for what I am about to do. _

Akaashi's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned to Bokuto's touch. He released a sigh before opening his eyes again, his eyelids purposefully heavy to indicate the blooming desire that was running on high in his entire body.

"I would let you look at me all day if you would just touch me, Bokuto-san," Akaashi's voice dripped with the ache that throbbed at the very core of his being.

And without warning, Bokuto tilted Akaashi's face and leaned in to gently press his lips on the latter's partly opened ones.

Bokuto pulled back to see Akaashi even more flushed than before, as if a raging fever had gotten a hold of him. 

Realizing what he had done, Bokuto stepped back and withdrew his hand, aggressively clenching it as he dropped it to his side. It was as if touching Akaashi had burned him so badly and he was trying to let the waves of pain pass him.

"Akaashi I'm so sorry I--"

"Bokuto-san please don't apologize." Akaashi suddenly began to feel the heat from his entire face pool around his eyes. "I should have never said what I said. Anyway I'm just going to go home now."

As Akaashi turned on his heel to walk away, Bokuto grabbed his wrist and spun him around, and with enough force he pulled Akaashi to him in a hug that took every ounce of Akaashi's self-control so he wouldn't shamelessly just throw his arms around their ace, his ace.

"Akaashi I'll be graduating soon," Bokuto began, but his voice sounded slightly muffled as he spoke. "I know you feel something, I've known it since we met. So please…"

Unprompted, tears began to sting Akaashi's eyes. He harshly blinked back the tears in an attempt to stop himself from absolutely losing it right then and there. He was both frightened and guilty. Guilty because all this time while he had been admiring Bokuto's attitude and skills, he'd be lying if he said his admiration only ended there. And in that moment, Akaashi hated himself.

"I think I do think about you that way, Bokuto-san," he said, pulling back from their hug. He rubbed his eyes then he took a deep breath. "But I--I'm not who you would want."

Without even letting Bokuto speak a single word, Akaashi ran away as fast as he could and as far away as possible from Bokuto. Before Akaashi knew it, he was home and after announcing his arrival to his parents, he immediately rushed to his bedroom and flopped on his bed, clothes still intact, Bokuto's scent lingering on his uniform.

He heard a soft knock on his door. It was probably his mom. She did that whenever Akaashi was upset and would run into the safety of the four walls of his room. His mom was never the type to pry because Akaashi had consistently never given his parents a single chance to mistrust him with anything. 

"Is everything okay, Keiji?" His mom asked. "If you're not feeling well, I just want you to know I left some food on the table. You can eat it once you feel better."

"Thank you," he replied just loud enough to let his mom know he had heard her loud and clear.

"Okay then." He heard his mom walk away. 

Akaashi sighed and closed his eyes. Just yesterday the visceral feelings of desire he had thought were gone, violently resurfaced. Today, he struggled to keep it under wraps, but of course the very wraps had come undone when the actual object of his affection and also lust bared his soul before him in an obscure streetway with the buzzing of cicadas serving as the background music to their messy confessions.

While still on his bed, he turned to his side to look at the crucifix on his shelf. He never once thought his feelings were wrong. The way his eyes widened at age 15, his heart beating faster as he first encountered Bokuto during a volleyball match. He felt all these emotions with pure innocence, a sense of unabashed wonder likened to a child seeing a butterfly break out of its cocoon. It wasn't until his body developed reactions of their own and without fair warning, instead of simply looking at Bokuto like a constellation made out of stars, he yearned to be near him, to physically feel the warmth that radiated from him, to be held by him in secret. Eventually Bokuto was no longer a bright star to Akaashi, but a black hole that he wished would devour him. 

The crucifix on his shelf was meager in size, but at that moment it looked just as intimidating as the large wooden cross in their hallway. Then something in Akaashi snapped. It was subtle and gentle, but he eventually turned his back from his shelf and away from the crucifix that seemed to rebuke him in silence.

As he deeply inhaled the remaining scent of Bokuto that had clung to his uniform, Akaashi allowed a hand to press against his crotch. He imagined himself back to that dimly lit street, face to face with Bokuto Kotaro who had just planted a kiss on his mouth and how if they both had no sense of restraint, they would have done some rather unspeakable things.

He pictured Bokuto placing a warm hand against him, palming him through his uniform slacks. He imagined him leaning forward, mouth dangerously close to his ear, his lips barely grazing the shell, and whispering words he knew Bokuto would never say to him.

"Akaashi I'll touch you as much as you want so just tell me…"

With his hands well inside his boxers, Akaashi released a soft moan. He continued to relish in the fantasy of being touched by Bokuto so scandalously in public without any regard to the possibility of being caught by a random stranger. 

A few minutes passed and Akaashi came with a shudder, mouth straining against a pillow to drown out his own voice. He found himself panting gently thereafter, his eyes closed, the remaining waves of pleasure still ringing in his body as he shivered with sensitivity. 

And for the first time, he cried.

The following day, Bokuto and Akaashi pretended as if nothing had happened. Their captain remained as energetic as ever. Akaashi was glad that it didn’t seem to bother Bokuto that they had just kissed and that Akaashi’s response to it was to make a mad dash away from him as if he were carrying a contagious disease. And even if it did bother him, it genuinely set Akaashi’s mind at ease that Bokuto made the effort to simply shrug it off because Akaashi knew that he wouldn’t be able to take it at all had Bokuto decided to start acting weird around him.

Exams eventually came and went and soon enough, it was finally time for the much-awaited summer training camp. It was particularly exciting this time around because a new school from a different prefecture had joined the camp. For Akaashi, it pleased him that Bokuto was also genuinely ecstatic over the company of these ragtag country bumpkins. To see their ace-- _ his _ ace--smiling, laughing, and having a good time like always brought Akaashi back to a time before everything that had happened, a time when Bokuto Kotaro had never held him and kissed him in the heat of a summer evening.

One particular evening, practice went on a little longer than usual. Bokuto had conspired to work on some blocking and receives with some players from Nekoma High School, one of whom was their team captain and resident schemer, the always troublesome Kuroo Tetsurou and the other being an absurdly tall  _ hāfu _ , a freshman by the name of Haiba Lev _.  _ With two other kids from the new school joining in as well, a three-on-three game ensued which left everyone panting and heaving on the floor by the end of the grueling three-set match.

By the time everyone was settling inside their respective rooms, some bathed and already unrolling their futons while others still engaged in congenial chatter, Akaashi decided to step outside to feel the cool evening breeze. It was a severely nostalgic sensation as it would always transport him to the summer evenings of his childhood which were spent watching a sea of fireflies embellish the entire stretch of the grassy field that was near his childhood home. He would recall what his mother had said about the fireflies.

"They are stars sent to Earth so humans can have the chance to experience them up close."

Of course Akaashi eventually figured out that fireflies were mere bioluminescent creatures and not some sort of fleshy, winged reincarnation of hot gases swirling together. But Akaashi would be lying if he said he had easily dismissed the idea of stars living and breathing among humans. After all, Bokuto Kotaro was born and walked the Earth and eventually enraptured Akaashi Keiji.

"Stuffy inside?"

Akaashi turned around to see that Bokuto had also stepped outside. Dripping in the moonlit glow of the night, their captain took easy strides towards Akaashi, his hands shoved inside his pockets as he did. 

"Just getting some air," Akaashi finally managed to say. 

"Feel like everyone's turning in for the night," Bokuto said, finally stopping to stand shoulder to shoulder with Akaashi. "You should be resting too. You worked hard today, Akaashi."

"You worked hard too, Bokuto-san," Akaashi rushed in to say. "It's been a long day. You should be inside taking it easy."

"I'm still sorry, you know."

"Bokuto-san plea--"

"No. Let me finish." Bokuto had turned around to face Akaashi. And suddenly it was as if they were back in that street, from that Monday evening. 

"I shouldn't have done what I did, Akaashi," Bokuto began. "So I'm going to do it right this time." 

Bokuto reached out and took both of Akaashi's hands in his. Now it wasn't as if Akaashi's hands were any smaller than Bokuto's. More or less they were the same. However, in that very moment, it had felt like Bokuto's grip had swallowed the entirety of Akaashi's hands and it made his head spin a little bit as the warmth that pulsed through Bokuto Kotaro travelled from his hands to his very own and eventually surged through his entire body.

"What are you doing, Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked, his throat unbelievably dry all of a sudden. He could feel how hot his face had gotten and how thankful he was that it was probably too dark for Bokuto to notice the blush that began to taint his cheeks.

Bokuto cleared his throat before speaking.

"Akaashi Keiji," Bokuto muttered under his breath. They were close enough that Akaashi could still hear him. Immediately Akaashi began to feel a lump form in his throat. Bokuto had just said his full name and suddenly Akaashi was intoxicated on the way he had said it--secretive and pleading.

It almost sounded like a 

_ Prayer. _

"Will you go out with me?"

It was as if time had stopped, cliche as it may sound. Apart from his obnoxiously loud heartbeat, an incessant ringing painfully resounded in Akaashi's ears. He felt like all his senses were blending into one messy abstract blob and it wasn't until Bokuto had grabbed his shoulders that he realized he was holding his breath.

"Hey, breathe!" Bokuto's voice pierced through the helter skelter of heightened emotions that seemed to drown Akaashi. It was like a hand pulling him out of a cold body of dark and murky water, and rightfully so, Akaashi took in air through his mouth and his nose and he knew he must have looked stupid, but he didn't care because tears began to sting his eyes as his face grew even uncomfortably hotter.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this," Akaashi said while he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. 

In one fluid motion, Bokuto pulled him close and Akaashi melted into the warmth that escaped from those strong pair of arms. He allowed his head to fall on Bokuto's shoulders as he balled his fists against his chest. As if they couldn't get any closer, Bokuto wrapped his arms tighter, slowly allowing one of them to slide down Akaashi's back and slink around his torso.

"Bokuto-san…" Akaashi finally spoke up. "I don't understand a lot of my feelings and they scare me sometimes, but I am sure that you make me very happy."

They pulled away only to continue holding each other at arms length. There was an unmistakable intensity in the way they stared at each other, their skin gradually moistening with a light sheen of sweat, eyes questioning and yearning.

"Akaashi, was that a yes?"

Akaashi looked down to catch the very tender way Bokuto was holding him in his arms and how in turn his fingers had slightly dug into the firm stretch of muscle that corded along his biceps. Suddenly Akaashi was painfully aware of his rough and calloused hands and how they must have felt against Bokuto's skin. 

"It's not wrong for me to be happy like this, right Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked, eyes still downcast. "We're not wrong, right?"

"No…"

Everything happened so fast. Akaashi raised his head and in a heartbeat, brought his mouth against Bokuto's. It was supposed to be a quick, spur of the moment peck on the lips, but before Akaashi could pull all the way back, Bokuto had grabbed the back of his head to give him a searing kiss, one that made goosebumps prick along every square inch of Akaashi's flesh, the kind of kiss that set him aflame from head to toe. It was unbelievably pleasant, succinctly frightening, but overall precociously full of relief and desire.

They eventually parted and without even the faintest amount of hesitation, silently agreed to sneak inside one of the empty gyms. And it was in the very dark, in the very deafening quiet of the gym that they held each other and kissed each other with a fervor that Akaashi could only compare to divine worship. They gasped and groaned as hands grazed at sensitive areas of their bodies and while it felt hurried and shamelessly urgent, they took the time to still ask each other if they could place a hand here or kiss the other person there. 

Akaashi's hand then landed on the spot between Bokuto's thighs and after an approving nod from him, Akaashi began to rub him through his shorts. A groan escaped his mouth and Akaashi was filled with so much love for their ace he wanted to make him tremble in delight the way he had before while underneath the covers inside his own room.

But Bokuto grabbed his wrist and before Akaashi could ask him what was wrong, Bokuto spoke up.

"I don't want anything to happen here, Akaashi," he said, his voice thick.

Yielding to Bokuto's request, Akaashi slowly pulled his hand away and they proceeded to simply hold each other close, breathing in perfect sync as they stared at nothing, but the empty space of the gym. Moonlight slipped through the barred windows casting obscure shapes on the shiny floors.

"Since when?" Akaashi asked.

"I guess I already had a very small crush on you when you were new to the club, Akaashi," Bokuto replied. "I mean you are very cute."

Akaashi could only blush in response.

"And I guess seeing you work so hard, taking care of everyone, and especially watching out for me...it made me realize how maybe the word 'crush' wasn't just going to cut it anymore…" Bokuto's words streamed out of him so carelessly like he was not the least bit apologetic about his feelings which was just a very trademark Bokuto Kotaro thing to do.

  
  


"I don't know what to say except, I think it's an honor to be liked by Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, trying hard not to sound too overjoyed. 

Bokuto let out a Bokuto-level laugh. He pulled Akaashi closer to him, resting his head on top of the mop of Akaashi's black hair. 

"It's not like it's hard to find you lovable, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "I told you, you're very  _ very  _ cute."

Akaashi closed his eyes, a smile slowly forming on his face. He listened to the way Bokuto's heart was steadily beating in perfect rhythm with the way his chest rose and fell. He discreetly inhaled the scent of Bokuto, absorbing the heat of his body. 

_ God, thank you for allowing me to hold a star this close. Amen. _

He punctuated his prayer by mentally doing a sign of the cross.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello I hope you folks enjoyed this fic. Stan purest of pure protagonists of the world BokuAka and also please do leave me comments for stuff you think I should improve on or just anything you feel like saying lol.
> 
> Also I'm finally on twitter! Give me a follow maybe https://twitter.com/vaporstretch__


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